Non-Monogamy 101 – Is It Right for You?

Introduction:
Monogamy is so deeply ingrained in our culture that most of us never even question it. You grow up seeing it in movies, hearing about “the one,” and being told that love looks like one person, forever, and anything outside of that is wrong.

But let’s be real—not everyone thrives in monogamy. And if you’ve ever had that little voice inside wondering “Could there be another way?”—you’re not alone.

Non-monogamy isn’t about choosing between commitment and freedom—it’s about reimagining what love and relationships can look like when you choose them intentionally.

So, let’s break it down. What is non-monogamy? How does it work? And how do you know if it’s for you?

What Is Non-Monogamy (And What It’s Not)?

🔹 Non-Monogamy – An umbrella term for relationship structures that do not center monogamy as the default or superior model. Unlike the term Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM)—which assumes monogamy as the norm and defines non-monogamy in relation to it—non-monogamy acknowledges that multiple relationship structures have existed globally throughout history. This is a decolonized approach to relationship diversity, rejecting the idea that monogamy is the “starting point” from which other relationships deviate.

🔹 Polyamory vs. Open Relationships – Polyamory involves multiple emotionally meaningful relationships, while open relationships are more focused on non-exclusive sex. Different structures work for different people.

🔹 Non-Monogamy Is Not “Cheating” – The key difference is honesty and consent. Everyone involved is on the same page.

🔹 Non-Monogamy Isn’t a Fix for a Broken Relationship – Entering non-monogamy should be about growth, not escaping problems that already exist.

How to Know If Non-Monogamy Might Be for You

1️⃣ You’ve Felt Limited by Monogamy – You’ve struggled with monogamy, not because you fear commitment, but because you crave multiple connections that feel fulfilling and aligned.

2️⃣ You Value Autonomy in Love – You see relationships as a space for deep care, but not control. You believe people should be able to build connections that feel natural, rather than forced into one structure.

3️⃣ You’re Excited by the Possibilities (Not Just the Idea of More Partners) – Non-monogamy isn’t about more—it’s about intention. It requires a level of honesty, self-awareness, and communication that most of us weren’t taught.

4️⃣ You’re Willing to Do the Work – Non-monogamous relationships require emotional intelligence, communication, and boundary-setting skills. It’s not for those who want to avoid accountability.

Your Next Step

Non-monogamy is a spectrum—and there’s no rush to define where you fit. Whether you’re just curious or actively exploring, the most important thing is understanding yourself and your relationship values.

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💌 Newsletter Follow-up: Steeped in Vanilla: What I Wish I Knew Before Exploring Non-Monogamy
(Features personal storytelling, practical insights, and relationship values exercises.)